Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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