I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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