a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
