yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He keeps bees of course he's weird
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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