I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
