You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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