My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
