When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
