if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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