I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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