my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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