apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
