I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
