So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
