so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
