that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
