Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize