My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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