I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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