i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
