Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
