are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
