watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
