and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
