my mouth tastes like poor choices
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
