The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
