So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
