Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
