I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
