hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
