the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
