You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize