i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
