you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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