just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
are you so shy because you have an std?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
