There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
