Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
