i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize