I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
