I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
