Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
