I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
