Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Randomize
