I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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