i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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