I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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