Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
