Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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