...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
