The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
