Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
