You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize