Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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