Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
