booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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