Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
