seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
