it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
