girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
