I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
