I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
