I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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