I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
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