If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
