I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
