Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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