I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
