If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
