Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I am available for nakedness
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize