Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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