Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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