but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
