someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
