I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
