im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
