Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
In other news, I just burned my penis
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
