He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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