People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
