plz talk dirty to me
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
