I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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