Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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