Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He has the fingertips of a God
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
