Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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