Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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