I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
