Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
