I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
