If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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