cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
