Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
