she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
