No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
