I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
