I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
