I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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