the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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