I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
