Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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