i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
