i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
