Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
