so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
