I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
